


you give me this feeling, this everglow

by calthighway



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Cruise Ship, Denial of Feelings, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, First Dance, First Kiss, Happy/Open ending, M/M, Self-Discovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:33:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24473581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calthighway/pseuds/calthighway
Summary: Ben’s face turns to something else as he walks closer, stops close enough so Callum can smell him and then he’s leaning up on his tip toes to sniff Callum. Their noses brush as Ben gets back down onto his feet, a hot breath washing over Callum’s face as he tries to compose what he’s about to say, “I smell queer.”
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 8
Kudos: 54





	you give me this feeling, this everglow

**Author's Note:**

> happy birthdaaay ellie 💞 
> 
> listen to this feeling - alabama sehakes whilst reading this (if you want obviously) and thank me later

  
Callum takes one look at him and decides he’s bad news. The type to smile sweetly, say all the right things you’d want to hear so he’d be in the palm of everyone’s hands he came across. 

Callum won’t be so blind. He _isn’t_. 

“It’s a pleasure to be on board with you all, Mrs Highway,” followed by a wink and, “pun intended.” 

Callum’s mum laughs, leaning into him to shake his hand. “People are going to fall in love with you, Ben. You’re the full package,” she smiles fondly. 

Ben smirks, looking down and then back up, “ya haven’t seen anything _yet_.” 

She slaps his arm playfully with a silly laugh and Callum’s never seen his mum like this, lose any form of professionalism she should have. He rolls his eyes, stirring the sauce in the pan a little more aggressively than needs be. 

Florence does her normal tour of the cruise ship and Callum’s glad to have the floor to himself again, head down with music playing softly in the background. 

He scans the menu for today, before beginning to season the meats. 

_I know we good, but we so bad together_  
 _I know you know you’re my guilty pleasure_  
 _I keep going out of my way, my way_

Callum’s used to singing to himself, doesn’t care that he’s not any good, it helps him fall in love with cooking all the more. 

That’s why he doesn’t need people he doesn’t even know commenting on it or anything else to do with him actually. 

“I hope ya cooking is better than your singing,” Callum knows who it is because his voice matches the smarminess of the face he saw earlier. 

Before Callum can say anything, his mum is following and blowing him a little kiss. “You’ve met already then,” she smiles between them. “Callum, this is Ben. Ben, this is Callum.” 

Ben offers his hand out to shake, Callum just stares down at it, not really caring for the pleasantries or interested in who Ben is or what he’s here for. 

Florence clears her throat, her eyebrows knitting together until Callum sighs, lifting his arm to shake Ben’s hand firmly, just the once. 

Another smirk settles across Ben’s lips, irking Callum’s mood further. 

“Callum, sweetheart, Ben’s part of the entertainment. Wait until you hear him sing, his voice is heavenly.” 

“Course it is,” Callum smiles tightly. 

Florence turns to Ben, Callum can see she isn’t happy with him, but he isn’t happy with her either right now, gushing over someone who thinks the sun shines out of him. 

“Wait until you try some of Callum’s food, you won’t want to eat anything else after.” 

Ben smiles, tongue wetting his bottom lip. “Full of praise, isn’t she?” 

Callum’s tight smile doesn’t falter, “she’s gotta say that, she’s my mum.” 

Florence gasps. “Hey, that’s not true,” she looks around before pretending to cover Ben’s eyes and planting a kiss on Callum’s cheek.

“Mum-“ Callum scolds, shaking his head. 

“Cute,” Ben watches him, before pointing down to the pan. “Ya sauce is burning.” 

Callum huffs, rushing to take the pan off the hob and turn it off. 

Florence grimaces, apologising time and time again until Callum tells her it’s fine. She covers her mouth before guiding Ben out of the kitchen, both of them giggling like they belong in school. 

Callum’s not normally frustrated, but today feels differently. It feels like there’s an earthquake with no sound, no signs. 

Only difference is, is Ben, and Callum doesn’t miss how Ben turns to send a wink his way. 

Callum also blames him for making him burn his hand. 

*  
Callum finishes in the kitchen just gone midnight, normally he’d have a drink in his own room and get some sleep, tonight the knot in his shoulders would keep him awake so he decides to take a quick shower and change before heading back to the bar. 

He’s on his third bottle before the band on stage finish their set and Callum thinks that’s it until his mum comes round from the back of the stage and sits next to him. 

“Everything ok sweetheart?” She asks, her hand taking Callum’s. “I’m sorry about earlier. You seemed like something was bothering you, want to talk about it?” 

Callum’s mouth opens ready to speak before there’s a cheer that cuts around the air and Callum turns to see Ben walking out onto stage. 

Florence turning to cheer, too. “They all loved him, asked for more!” She claps like a besotted fan, “wait until you hear him, Callum!” 

“Why you giving him special treatment?” Callum huffs, hand tight around his bottle. 

“I’m not,” Florence frowns. “I’ve not seen a reaction like the one Ben had. It’s just a one off, Callum. I’m giving the people what they want.” 

Callum shakes his head, swigging back the rest of his drink quickly before asking for another. 

Callum’s not the type to be rude, to not see good in people, but Ben has done nothing but unsettle him since arriving and he’s only seen him a few times. 

He’s got no reason to dislike him, to want this cruise to be over with right now and to never see Ben again, but he does, and he wants to forget about Ben just as quickly as he did meeting him and deciding people like him weren’t his cup of hot chocolate. 

His mum taps his arm, nodding her head towards the exit doors. “Do you want to go somewhere and talk?” 

He sees the worry in her eyes, that somehow she’s done whatever it is that’s put Callum in an unusual, sour mood. He wants to tell her what’s wrong, but he doesn’t even know how. 

_It’s Ben. I don’t like him. I don’t know why – I just don’t. He’s-_

Callum’s thoughts get interrupted. Ben’s voice clears in the mic before he starts to sing, and Callum’s head turns slightly, chin tucked into his shoulder – he won’t turn to give Ben his attention, he’s already had enough, but as the song carries on, Callum finds his shoulders loosen and the grip on his bottle go slack. 

_In daylights,_   
_In sunsets,_   
_In midnights, in cups of coffee?_   
_In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife?_   
_In five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes_   
_How do you measure a year in a life?_

When the song ends he blows a kiss to the audience, “and yes, that was the glee version.” 

It gets a small laugh, Florence’s shoulders bobbing up and down in her laughter. 

“More! We want more! We want more!” 

Callum groans, finding no comfort in the new bottle in his hand, but he drinks it in hope the chanting will stop. 

His mum gives him the thumbs up to sing one more and Callum realises anything bad he had to say about Ben wouldn’t be listened to anyway, knows these thoughts are his and his alone. 

_Birds flying high_   
_You know how I feel_   
_Sun in the sky_   
_You know how I feel_   
_Breeze driftin' on by_   
_You know how I feel_

Something about Ben’s voice now sends a shiver down his spine, makes him feel light on his feet when he decides he’s had enough and should go. 

He gives his mum a hug and a kiss to her cheek, and she squeezes his elbow, smiles up at him and Callum knows giving her this moment – a moment so normal between them – that everything is fine between them. He loves her with everything he has, although he’s sure they’ll never agree on the man singing. 

Walking out of the bar feels like it’s harder than it should be, and when he finally reaches the doors, he turns just for a second and realises Ben’s eyes are on him. 

He wonders how long he’s had eyes on the back of his head, thinks about it being since Ben entered the stage and it burns the back of his neck now, makes him look away quickly, almost running back to his room. 

*  
A week later Callum’s done his best to avoid Ben. He doesn’t go to the bar, knows his best option is room service every night and he sleeps better for not seeing him, just like he did before he ever knew of Ben. 

Callum grows to accept his mum’s constant need to fill Callum in on Ben’s act the night before. He’s learnt to switch off, reply in all the right places and smile when he feels necessary – however much acceptance, it still leaves a niggling feeling inside that he can’t shake off. 

Florence cups Callum’s cheeks, “you look tired, sweetheart.” 

Callum looks to the floor, doesn’t want to worry her when she’s so happy with everything else. With Ben. 

“I’m alright,” he feels wrong for lying because he knows she’ll just leave it at that, never pushes things even when he can see the doubt behind her eyes. 

The silence feels heavy for a while until Florence clears her throat and looks to the food on the counter. “What’s today’s offerings?” 

“Bouillabaisse with cock crab and poached lobster,” Callum smiles genuinely, one of his best dishes. 

“Did ya just say what I think ya said?” They turn around, Ben walking in casually like it’s a free for all. 

Florence blushes, laughing a little and Callum rolls his eyes, scratching the length of his eyebrow. “What do ya want?” 

Florence looks up at Callum, slapping his hand without any real subtlety. 

“Wanted to speak to ya mum about some ideas I had for tonight’s show,” Ben smirks, teeth nipping his bottom lip. “Think I might stay for the cock crab now, though.” 

They’re laughing again, always laughing and Callum hates it. He can’t stomach it, undoing his apron and pushing passed Ben to hang it up. 

“Where you going?” Florence asks, once again full of concern for her son, but right now, Callum’s not about to stay around and tell her everything is fine. 

“I need some fresh air,” Callum aims at her, tries to calm his tone. “When you two are done in _my_ kitchen, let me know, yeah?” 

Florence reaches out a hand, but Callum’s too far away. Callum looks at Ben expecting him to be still smirking, but his expression isn’t that, but Callum won’t stare too long to try and work it out. 

When he hears his mum apologising to Ben, Callum let’s the door slam shut behind him. 

*  
It’s against the rules, he’s never done it before, hasn’t wanted to do it before. 

He lets the woman flirt with him, let’s her keep her hands on his thighs when she leans in to talk into his ear. 

Callum’s aware of how pretty she is, how flattering her dress and high heels are, but it’s not doing anything for him apart from making his palms sweaty and his mouth dry. 

“How ya enjoying the cruise?” Callum asks, downing shots like they’re water. 

“Amazing,” a rub to his thigh. “Even better now.” 

Callum hasn’t been touched like this in years. Not since… since Chris from university and then Kieran, the boy he played off as a mistake, but would always go back to when he needed something – when he needed that itch scratched. 

Being touched by them sent his heart racing, his cheeks and neck burning up like they were setting his insides alight and taking him to another universe. 

He wasn’t like that though. He slept with a few girls after leaving university, but nothing felt the same. It always left him feeling numb. Left him doubting himself and leading to years of confusion he still isn’t clear on. 

He tells himself he isn’t gay, or bisexual, again and again, and he’ll continue to do it, he’ll let this girl believe she’s wanted and then it’ll be forgotten about the morning after. 

Callum laughs, it hurts how forced it feels but she grins even more than before. 

Just like a few weeks back, everyone cheers for Ben like he’s front page news – the best thing to ever exist and it does nothing but fuel Callum further. 

Ben’s dressed in a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up, tight black jeans and boots. The spotlight shines on him and he looks so natural, so charming. He takes a seat on the stool before the music starts and he raises the mic to his mouth. 

His eyes seem the search the crowd, smiling and winking every now again causing another small cheer by the women near the front. 

When Ben’s eyes find and stop on Callum, they don’t move away. He watches him as he sings, almost as if he’s singing for Callum and Callum only. 

It causes a feeling inside he hasn’t felt since university, just a single look and he feels like he’s gone back years. It feels warm inside, hot treacle down his back, but when Ben smiles softly at him, Callum can’t look back anymore. 

It’s an adrenaline rush when he leans forward and kisses the girl in front of him, holding her face in place as she craves more from him. 

More than Callum could ever give. 

But he gives her enough until they’re out of the bar and away from Ben and then Callum’s letting her down as gently as he can. She’s sweet enough to accept it, hope for another time. 

Callum’s confusion keeps him awake, he looks out of his window, thankful for the peace of the sea beneath for company. 

*  
The sea is a different kind tonight. It’s rough and the waves hit against the ship loudly, but everything inside goes on like it always does. 

Until it doesn’t and Florence is pacing around, fingernails between her teeth. “Where’s Ben?” Callum just stares at her, _Ben Ben Ben_ , “he’s late for his set.” 

“Have ya checked his room?” Callum asks, not caring either way. 

She shakes her head. “I haven’t had time,” she looks up at the clock. “Can you go? I’ll try and sort something out until then.” 

“Me? Mum, no, I-“ 

“Thanks son, try and be quick alright?” She gives him Ben’s room number and blows him a kiss before running off to make a phone call and think of something quick. 

Callum heads to his room, realises he’s on the same floor he’s staying on – literally two doors down from him. He’s close even when Callum thinks he’s not. 

Callum knocks and waits. Knocks again when there’s no answer, already annoyed about having to be the one to drag him out of his room. 

Ben answers a few moments later, sprinting back into the bathroom before he’s got a chance to see who it is. Callum steps inside, leans against the bathroom door whilst Ben has his head down the toilet. 

“Hungover are ya?” Callum asks, ready to point the finger. 

Ben just shakes his head, wiping his mouth with a tissue. “I think I- I think I’ve-“ 

“What?” Callum huffs. 

“Think I’ve got motion sickness,” Ben groans, clearly feeling sorry for himself. 

Callum doesn’t mean to laugh, but it slips out too easily causing Ben to frown up at him. “It ain’t funny!” 

Callum bites down the rest of his laugh. “Want me to get ya some tablets?” 

Ben shakes his head, “it’s fine, used to it now.”

“What, this is normal for you?” 

Ben nods awkwardly, scratching his cheek. “Since I was 10.” 

“So ya get a job on a ship? Makes sense.” 

“Look, _mate_ , I don’t know what your problem is, but we aren’t all as lucky as you, alright? We don’t all have mummy dearest holding our hand every step of the way. Some of us have got to find our own way through life, so yeah, I got a job on a ship because everything else failed for me, is that good enough for ya?” 

Callum’s stunned into silence. Everything he thought about Ben cracking now as he sees this side to him. “I ain’t judging ya,” Callum swallows because it’s all he’s been doing since he set eyes on Ben, but right now, he really isn’t. “I’ll let mum know ya won’t be preforming tonight-“ 

“I can’t let her down,” Ben gets to his feet, hand against the wall for support. “I’ve still got a job to do.” 

“Ben,” Callum makes Ben look at him. “You’re sick, get some rest, yeah? My mum would rather that than you being sick in front of hundreds of people.”

Being nice to Ben feels odd. Ben feels it too, says as much. “Surprised ya care.” 

“I don’t,” Callum tilts his head higher as he moves out of the way so Ben can get into bed. “Next time just let my mum know what’s happening, yeah? Save her the worry.” 

Ben offers a small nod before laying down, arm covering his face as he tries to focus on not being sick again. “How’d ya date go?” 

Callum frowns, before remembering what he did in front of Ben. “Yeah. Good,” Callum doesn’t know why he’s lying, the right answer would have been something along the lines of wasn’t a date or it’s not really any of your business, is it?

It seems to put a stop to a conversation Callum thought Ben was looking for. Ben nods once, sighs when he turns away. “You can go now.” 

Callum feels a strange need to stay, licks his lips as he watches Ben’s body rise and fall softly as he settles himself. “Want me to get ya a glass of water, or summat?” 

“I said ya can go now,” Ben exhales, turning off the light. 

Callum feels awkward for still wanting to stay because he’s not wanted to be around Ben anymore than he’s needed to before. He feels wrong for thinking about all the times he’s caught Ben staring at him, smiling at him whilst he sings, doing all the things that makes Callum think about things he used to beg would stop. 

“I think I’m gonna stay here until ya go to sleep if that’s alright?” 

Why would it be alright? Callum’s been nothing but rude to Ben, shown a side to him that isn’t usually like him.

Callum hears Ben’s breathing go heavy for a while before he mumbles, “yeah. Whatever.”

Callum’s glad Ben can’t see his appreciative smile. 

*  
Callum’s kind of taken aback by how he feels differently towards Ben today. His thoughts and opinions are not of bad taste, they don’t leave him angry or questioning what everyone else sees in him. 

He’d sat in Ben’s room last night with nothing but the light coming in from the ship, the tick tock of Ben’s watch and his gentle breathing as he let sleep take over him. 

Callum tried to fight the need to do nothing but stare at Ben whilst he slept. He messed about on his phone, checked the weather, looked up new recipes online and played candy crush – huffing at the fact Ben would probably complete the level first time of trying. 

Then Ben would make little sounds. His face would turn into his pillow more, he’d let out little breaths like he was having a dream and Callum felt himself smile. 

But smiling meant Callum felt some kind of way towards Ben, despite how he’d first felt about him. He wasn’t ready to let that idea cross his mind, so he removed himself from the situation by leaving Ben’s room and not turning back.

“Smells amazing,” Callum jumps, close enough to cut his finger and Ben grimaces, holds up his hands. “Sorry.” 

Callum shakes his head, feels himself smiling, tries to stop, but Ben’s smiling back and scratching the back of his head like he’s embarrassed. “Just wanted to thank ya, for last night.” 

“It was nothing,” Callum shakes his head. “I shouldn’t have laughed at you, I’m sorry.” 

“Make it up to me then,” and multiple things run through Callum’s head until Ben’s stepping closer and pointing down to the sizzling sauce in the pan. “Give us a taster of that and all will be forgiven.” 

“That easy?” Callum asks, already picking up a spoon and placing it onto the sauce before blowing on it a little. 

“Your smile helps,” Ben shrugs, eyes flickering over Callum’s face with a grin. 

Everything’s a blur now. In his head he was going to hand over the spoon to Ben, but Ben’s leaning forward and tilting his head until the spoons in his mouth. 

And yeah, their eyes meet, its fleeting and Callum shouldn’t feel it as deeply as he does. 

“Beautiful,” Ben hums, licking his lips. “That girl you’re seeing is lucky.” 

Callum’s quick to get that idea out of Ben’s head, “she’s not-“ 

“Ben!” Florence comes in, almost running over to check up on Ben, “how are you’re feeling?” 

“Much better,” Ben nods. “All the better for seeing you.” 

Florence grins, “oh, I have missed your charm. What’s he like?” Florence turns to Callum, nodding her head towards Ben as if she doesn’t love every bit of it. “They missed you last night.” 

“I missed preforming,” Ben replies sincerely, “but Callum here made sure I was safe and sound before he left.” 

“Of course he would. That’s my boy,” she reaches over to stroke his cheek fondly. 

Callum notices to look of sadness cross Ben’s face and he thinks back to last nights comment about getting by in life pretty much on his own, and it makes Callum feel off. Doesn’t want to rub what him and his mum have in his face if he didn’t get that love growing up. 

Callum turns back to preparing today’s menu to put an end to it. He looks up a few minutes later, just in time to see Ben and his mum leave the kitchen together. 

Callum can’t say he wasn’t hoping for it, but when Ben gives him a small smile, Callum smiles back easily and wider. 

*  
 _How’d your date go?_

_That girl you’re seeing is lucky._

These things play on a loop, niggle away at Callum because he hasn’t been able to correct Ben. He’d had a chance first time around, but he didn’t tell Ben the truth and the second time he didn’t get time. 

He wants to tell Ben there is no girl. Why? He hasn’t got that far yet. 

He sits near the front tonight, feels nervous yet excitable about being up so close. About being able to appreciate Ben and his talent properly without finding a reason to walk out. 

Tonight he claps along, whistles, and when Ben walks out it doesn’t take him long to notice Callum. He almost looks surprised to see him there, but he waves a little before waving to the rest of the crowd. 

Callum gives him a thumbs up like they’ve always been friends and Callum’s always been supportive of Ben. 

Are they even friends? 

Ben smiles appreciatively anyway, if a little shyly which just makes Callum’s need to correct his love life even more than before. 

Ben sings his heart out and Callum feels regretful for letting his judgment and stubbornness cloud his view clearly - he’s missed out on _this_ , all of what Ben does and loves and when it’s over, he wants more. 

He claps as loudly as he can and keeps going long after Ben’s off the stage. 

Callum’s not sure why he expected Ben to meet him, there was no arrangement to, and again, they were not friends. 

Callum waits and waits though, before going around the back where the changing rooms are when Ben doesn’t show up. 

He finds his changing room quickly, knocking without really thinking about waiting to walk in without a response which is wrong in the first place, but he does it and he wishes he’d just stayed away. 

There’s someone else here, some other guy with his tongue down Ben’s throat and Ben’s up against the wall enjoying every second of it until he moves back a bit and opens his eyes to see Callum standing there – half in and half out, his hand clinging onto the door handle. 

The other guy huffs when he’s pushed away until he realises they aren’t alone and sees Callum, too. He realises who Callum is, must fear for his job because he’s scrabbling for his discarded shirt and running out. 

“Sorry,” Callum licks his lips. “I didn’t know-“ 

“Obviously,” Ben looks pissed off and Callum looks down at his own feet. “What ya doing anyway?” 

“Just wanted to say how good your set was. Can see why mum thinks you’re so amazing.” 

Ben nods, but his nostrils are wide and he doesn’t look in the mood for compliments. “That’s it?” 

It irks Callum because he’s trying and he didn’t ask to walk in on Ben the way he did, “ya know it’s against the rules, don’t ya?” 

Ben’s eyebrows raise at that, “what? But it’s ok for you to have your tongue down someone else’s throat, but not me?” 

“That wasn’t-“ 

“It was, actually,” Ben’s face is cold. “Or do ya just have a problem because it was two blokes?” 

“I ain’t- no. I don’t care what ya do,” Callum shakes his head because he doesn’t know if he’s even making any sense. 

Ben’s face turns to something else as he walks closer, stops close enough so Callum can smell him and then he’s leaning up on his tip toes to sniff Callum. Their noses brush as Ben gets back down onto his feet, a hot breath washing over Callum’s face as he tries to compose what he’s about to say, “I smell queer.” 

Callum stumbles back, panic setting in and he can’t say anything, just rubs a hand over his face to stop the tears from welling up and falling. 

“Callum, it’s alright-“ 

Callum doesn’t want to hear it, he didn’t when he was a teenager and he doesn’t now. He just shakes his head and runs away, a familiar feeling weighing heavy on his shoulders as he makes it to his room and drops to the floor, his sobs drowned out by the crashing waves. 

*  
Callum phones sick, but his mum is having none of it and she’s in his room minutes later. “You don’t have a temperature,” she states, hand on his forehead. She sits down next to him on the bed, “want to tell me what’s happening?” 

“Nothing,” Callum knows he won’t be able to hold it in this time if he keeps talking. He rubs his hand over his mouth roughly, “nothing,” he repeats. 

“I know my baby,” Florence whispers, taking Callum’s hand in hers. “I know when something’s wrong. Talk to me.”

Callum shrugs, it aches. “I don’t know what to say.” 

“Take as long as you need.” 

Callum looks up at her and he knows she would sit here all day if she needed to. He doesn’t really know where to start, but he knows one thing, “Ben,” Callum mumbles, his eyebrows knitting together in a frown. 

“I thought you two were getting on?” Florence asks, hand gentle and soothing on Callum’s. 

Callum nods a little, feels the tears winning and building in his eyes. “I’ve really tried, mum,” Callum looks up at the ceiling, breathes. “Then he comes along and undoes it all.” 

Florence smiles a little. “You like him?” 

Callum thinks about it for no more than a few second before nodding a little. “I wish I stayed hating him.” 

“Hey,” Florence lifts her hand to Callum’s face. “You don’t have it in you to hate anyone.” 

Callum scoffs, “well he hates me now.” 

Florence frowns, “he’s told you that?” 

Callum shakes his head, Florence smiles sadly as she cups Callum’s face. “You’re my boy, and I know. I _know_ , and it doesn’t matter. I just want you to be happy, I don’t want you to keep battling what’s going on in here,” she taps his temple. “None of it matters son, I promise.” 

She’s confirmed it for him without him having to say a word and the world hasn’t combusted. She’s always known, just like he has. 

She lays down with him until he manages to fall asleep and Callum feels lighter as time goes on, years of denial and confusion turn to something Callum doesn’t feel pushing down on his heart. 

He’s able to breathe properly. 

*  
Callum didn’t think it would be this easy. It was his mum’s idea, a _date_ she was calling it. Callum prepared the food a few hours earlier before getting changed and coming to the top of the ship. 

A single table set out with champagne, glasses and bottles of beer. There’s stars above, a full moon and the sea is calm. 

Florence had told Ben to have the night off, that there was something she needed help with and to meet her outside at a certain time. 

He was on time, looking more than confused to see Callum sat at the table, his hands shaking as he poured himself a glass. 

“Callum? What’s all this?” 

_Shit. Just breathe, you got this._

“For you,” Callum clears his throat. “I mean, for us. Take a seat,” he points to the chair opposite before he’s jumping up and pulling the chair out for Ben and asking him what he would like to drink. 

“Beers fine,” Ben says, looking up at Callum and the stars twinkle in his eyes. “I’m still very confused.” 

Callum laughs a little before sitting back down. “You were right-“ 

“I’m always right,” Ben teases. “Sorry, carry on.” 

Callum licks his lips, laughs a little again because he’s ridiculously nervous right now and all this could be for nothing, “you were right. About what ya said about me,” Callum breathes. “I am ya know… gay.” 

Ben nods, Callum sees the smile form on his lips like he’s proud. “How’s that feel? To finally say it?”  
  
“Weird. Good,” Callum thinks many things. 

“The world hasn’t ended then?” Ben winks, playing with a napkin in front of him – maybe he’s just as nervous. 

“No, we good,” Callum laughs, can’t seem to stop. 

Ben looks at him like he loves seeing it, hearing it. His smile is constant and soft. 

They eat in silence and Ben wants to lick ever little last bit off his plate it’s that good. “Could get used to this,” Ben wipes his mouth. 

“You could?” Callum asks, almost too eagerly. “What about me?” 

Ben turns his head to the side, bites his lip. “What about you?” 

“Well, I… I like you, don’t I? So, I guess what I’m asking is, do ya like me back or not?” 

Ben blinks softly, turning his face so he can look out to the sea. “I don’t sing _Feeling Good_ to just anyone.” 

“You sung that for me?” 

“And all the others. Thought it was pretty obvious,” Ben turns back, “couldn’t take my eyes off ya from the minute I saw ya. Can’t blame though, can ya?” 

Even now, Callum feels himself blushing, but he feels amazing. “Let’s dance.” 

Ben raises his eyebrow, “to what, Callum? There’s no music?” 

“There doesn’t have to be. Just get up, Ben.” 

“Alright, alright,” Ben gets to his feet slowly and stands there, waits for Callum to make the next move. 

Callum wipes his palms along the back of his jeans before taking Ben’s hand - it’s soft and secure and Callum holds on a little tighter. 

In hold, they sway side to side to the sound of the water and the slow base of activity elsewhere. “I want to get to know ya, proper.” 

Ben’s hands take the front of Callum’s shirt, “I think we’ve got plenty of time for all that, don’t you?” Ben says, makes it sound like a promise. 

“Yeah,” Callum breathes, struggling to tear his gaze away from Ben. 

They stay like that, just taking their time and learning the way curves and bumps of each other’s bodies chest to chest, before Ben’s smiling, raising his hand and placing it gently to Callum’s cheek, thumb just under his eye. 

Ben doesn’t have to say anything, their eyes connecting and falling to each other’s lips a few times before Ben tilts his head further back – an invitation. 

Callum takes it, leans in and presses his lips to Ben’s, pulls back just to catch his breath before going back in and making Ben pull him closer until they hit the railings of the ship.

_See, I've been having me a real hard time  
But it feels so nice to know I'm gonna be alright_


End file.
